Sex

Guilty Pleasures …

gp

Sometime 1991

(singing) Let’s talk sex, baby.
            let’s talk about you and me,
            let’s talk about…

before I could finish the song, I received the most resounding slap of my life!!!

“ Who taught you to sing that bad song” ( that was my senior cousin)

The pain didn’t compare to the shame I felt.
I was ” caught ” singing about ” bad ” things.
For days, I prayed that I wouldn’t be reported to my mum.
I didn’t want her to be disappointed in me…

December, 2016

Moving Houses, I’m cleaning up my room with a dear friend and sister; Charity.

“Mrs Laguda, what is this?” she asked
… read more

 

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

 

 

*…Blog picture [gp] gotten from http://cargocollective.com/patrickmartinez/I-don-t-want-to-talk-about-it  through google search.

Ten Tips to Spice Up Our Marriages

spice-up

After being with a spouse day after day, there is a tendency that we can become complacent and take the relationship for granted.

Here are TEN TIPS TO SPICE OUR MARRIAGES UP:

  1. Do new things Together: –
    This will help you discover your spouse in other ways. learn a language, go to the gym, dance classes. Just so something different together.… read more#JustWritingAloud
    #AL

SEX vs LOVE MAKING

sex ... sheets.png

I have heard people say that “making love” is merely a euphemism for sex.

Well, I tend to disagree.

To my mind, sex is just the act of thrusting until ejaculation is achieved.
It involves starting and finishing without attention being given to the process in between, It is simply mechanical and focused on pleasing one’s self.
Sex screams ‘Me!’

When a spouse is used as a tool to satisfy a sexual desire without anything more.
That is SEX.

On the other hand, love making involves far more than just a couple of thrusts.
It involves a couple who physically express themselves so much so that new experiences are created each time. They come together as one.
Love making transcends just “getting off”.
It involves more than the action, it involves intimacy.

In 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, We see love as being patient, kind, honoring and not seeking self. … making love definitely embodies these traits. It screams “Us” rather than “Me”

Mathew 19: 5-6
“Jesus answered, … therefore a man shall leave his father and
his mother and hold fast to his wife, and
the two shall become one flesh? So then,
they are no longer two but one flesh”

Making love is spiritual, physical and emotional connection with a spouse. It is becoming one in your soul, body and mind.

Through the process, each spouse gets to learn every inch of his/her partners body. No one feels used. Love making is intercourse in which both parties are involved fully.

When a husband and a wife get physically and emotionally connected in such a way that they ‘know’ themselves that is LOVE MAKING.

This is just me writing my thoughts aloud.

Please share your thoughts with me. Is Sex the same as love making?

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

 

 *…Blog picture [sex … sheets ] gotten from http://news.nationalpost.com/life/better-sex-life-closer-relationships-result-from-more-post-coital-cuddling-canadian-study-suggests through google search.

Why NO? [IV]

shy.jpg

The fourth reason why women say No! is one that can be found mostly amongst Christian wives. From infancy, Christian women begin to hear how dirty, sinful and immoral sex is. No one ever mentions that it can be beautiful.

Whether you indulged in sexual activities before marriage or not, the real problem starts after marriage when sex ought to be delved into without any reservations.

For wives who indulged in sexual activities before marriage, sex was equal to sin.
Each time a Christian lady compromised her faith, the guilt that followed lingered for days or even years. Sex was a taboo that should never be talked about or discussed pleasantly. So, this mindset is carried unconsciously into the marriage.

For wives who preserved themselves for marriage, there can also be shame as a result of the notion that sex is inherently immoral or dirty. And switching from NO sex to a vixen in the bedroom can pose a challenge.

Hence, no matter how put-together a woman may look, sexual shame may be a struggle which prevents her from enjoying or consciously desiring sex. Where this is the case, it becomes difficult to participate fully in an authentic expression of sexual desires. Sex becomes so repetitious and mechanical because the preoccupation of such an individual is the shame that she feels.

The shame that a woman feels may be identified by the following.

  • Refusal to have sex with lights on.
  • Refusal to be affectionate in public.
  • Refusal to discuss sex.
  • Refusal to participate in more than one sexual position
  • Refusal to express sexuality.
  • Refusal to admit when sex is enjoyable.
  • Nervousness before, during and after sex.

The feeling of shame isn’t a conscious one but it isn’t a disease either.

Discussing it with your spouse would be a good start to feeling comfortable with participating in sexual activities without shame.

Acceptance, love and understanding from a spouse can actually lead to an exciting sex life with NO SHAME!!!

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

 

*…Blog picture [shy] gotten from http://www.deafworldweb.org/the-painfully-shy-womans-guide-to-getting-his-attention/  through  google search

Why NO? [III]

no sex1

Just like love, the third reason why women say No!!! is easier felt than expressed in words.

You just know that at the end of the ‘event’, nothing interesting has happened, it rather feels like you participated in a tedious activity. No bonding achieved…

It is trite that the mind plays a vital role in how the body performs. So, if an individual is stressed, unhappy, angry, disappointed or dejected, The likelihood of a distinction in the bedroom department is almost impossible.

For couples to thrive in this department, there must be a bond between them. Such bond must be present in and out of the bedroom.

The home should be one where playfulness is fostered and vulnerability is common. As women, we definitely get turned on when our husbands dare to tell us things that are so personal to them that they won’t share with anyone else… it makes us feel special and the desire to get physical (not necessarily in a sexual way) comes naturally.

At the point where physical contact is made, It is a turn-off for a husband to want to get down to business all so quickly. Slow and steady is very much appreciated. This allows the body to meet up with how the heart feels at that time. It is simply called arousal. This is when the body produces its natural lubricant.

However, the presence of lubricant doesn’t mean that the whistle has been blown for the main ‘event., Foreplay is very important for us (I hope my mum never reads this … lol)

Did I mention that it is easy to detect when a man is just fulfilling all righteousness in order to arrive at the main event? Yes, we know!!!

We also understand that a ‘quickie’ has its place in a healthy marriage but it shouldn’t be the norm.

So, there you have the third reason for NO!

I would love to hear from other wives. I am hoping that I spoke your mind. * wink.

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

 

 

*…Blog picture [sad] gotten from http://www.odogwublog.com/2015/07/11-intimate-pointers-for-couples-having.html through  google search.

Why No? [II]

vaginismus_a.jpg

….  rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe;  [tender, gentle, attractive]
let her breasts satisfy thee at all times;
and be thou ravished always with her love.
Pro 5:18-19

last week, I wrote about why women would normally say NO!
to sexual intimacy and we looked at emotional connection.
This week we are looking at pain during sex.
You might not believe it, but some women actually feel excruciating pain during intercourse rather that pleasure …

Imagine fetching a glass of water to quench your thirst,
only to find out that it is BITTER!!!
Most times, you would be sure that something must have gone wrong with the glass or that particular bottle of water. The most likely tendency would be to wash or change the glass and where the bitterness persist, then you would get another bottle of water.

Where the water remains bitter, FRUSTRATION will set in …

This is exactly how a woman with vaginismus and
her spouse may feel; FRUSTRATED, GUILTY, ANGRY, REGECTED…

I read about this conditions just recently and I was shocked as to how extreme a case may be. So extreme that a couple may not consummate their marriage for up to One year after the wedding.
Yes it can be that bad!!!

Vaginismus is a painful spasmodic contradiction of the vagina in response to physical contact or pressure especially during sexual intercourse. The painful spasmodic contraction may cause discomfort, pain, problems with penetration or even an inability to have intercourse.

Vaginismus may be primary or secondary.

Primary when the woman has never had a pain free intercourse and secondary when the pain develops after years of pleasurable intercourse.

A couple that has to deal with Vaginismus may be negatively affected, especially when the woman does not communicate how she feels effectively or where her spouse fails to empathize with her.

And although Viginismus may be caused by emotional and physical factors,
It is pertinent to note that a woman doesn’t create it in order to avoid SEX.
It is an involuntary reaction. So, rather than letting anger, frustration and resentment build up, couple needs to understand that this condition isn’t peculiar to them and there is a medical solution.

Vaginismus is a treatable condition which requires good communication from both parties and while the treatment is on going, a couple would need to find activities that will encourage intimacy.

Most importantly, don’t forget to hold hands and pray about the sex department of your marriage. He cares about it too 🙂

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

 

 

*…Blog picture [viginismus ] gotten from  http://www.youbeauty.com/life/what-is-vaginismus/  through  google search.
… reference http://www.vaginismus.com

Why NO?

sayno.jpg

“do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control”

The bible expressly admonishes us as Christian couples NOT to stay away from sex but if we are sincere, we know that sexual deprivation is real.
I am not very conversant as to why men deprive their wives of sex but as a woman, I know a few reasons why women may deprive their husbands of sex although we all know what 1 Corinthians 7:5 states.

Husbands would normally hear “I’m tired”, “I don’t feel well”, “I’m sleepy” but these are the excuses. The real reasons are within the heart. The real reason is the lack of an emotional connection, pain during sex, lack of sexual satisfaction, shame from preconceived notions, hormonal imbalance and many other reasons. However, I intend to focus on the five reasons stated above. I will delve into each reason one after the other. so let’s start with:

  1. Emotional Connection – This is a bonding that has nothing to do with SEX. It is connecting intimately and getting so close enough to discuss anything. Knowing that your spouse understands you and knows your needs is exhilarating and allows you to give yourself fully to him. No wife jumps at sex when she feels like an object that is used to satisfy a sexual need. Nobody wants to have sex without being aroused and for women, feeling loved, intimate and close to a spouse is a major turn-on and although a spouse may desire to fulfill these needs, he may not know how to if NEEDS are not expressly communicated.  So, a husband that frequently gets rejected may need to ask his wife certain questions that might cause each spouse  to be uncomfortable. These questions though uncomfortable will make sex mutual, frequent and satisfying.

1.What do I do that turns you on?
2.What can I do to make you more enthusiastic about sex?
3. What is your favorite Position and why?
4. What have I done in the past that you really liked?

Convincing a spouse to give in to a sexual demand works but the truth is, finding the root cause and dealing with it may just open all the padlocks to the sexual intimacy department…

However ladies, remember that communication requires two or more people and in this case, two. You need to speak up as your spouse HONESTLY doesn’t read minds.

If you cannot talk about it, your expectations cannot be met. The result will be FRUSTRATION or even ANGER.

… to be Continued

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

 

 

*…Blog picture [choices ] gotten from  http://spiritualityhealth.com/blog/eve-hogan/10-reasons-say-no-sex  through  google search.

Length and Breadth

Tape size..jpg

I read the most outrageous thing online and this triggered my topic for today.

The Size of a Man’s Ego.
The Size of a man’s Penis.

Yes!!!

That’s what I’m talking about today. Shyly though …

I read about a tribe in Brazil called the “Topinama” tribe.
The “Topinamas” would find a poisonous snake and manipulate it so that it would bite them directly on the penis (Oouuchhh!!!)
The bite would cause excruciating pain that would last for about six months.
These people believed that the venom would significantly increase the size of the penis.
So, it was worth it!!!

The “Sadhus” would attach weights to their penis to elongate them while the “Shangaan” tribe in southern Mozambique planted a tree at the birth of a male child. Once the child could take in solids, the back of the tree would be mixed with his dinner. The boy and the tree are regarded as one. As the tree grows, so also does the boy’s penis and once the appropriate growth is achieved, the tree is chopped down.

I never really knew that the size of a man’s penis mattered soooooo much to him that certain tribes would endure SIX MONTHS of excruciating pain…

To my mind, the penis is used for two things; Urinating and Sex.
The size of the penis won’t affect urination (I guess)
… therefore, we are down to sex.

Why do men worry so much about the size of their penis?

Research shows that the size of a man’s penis affects his self-esteem.
But like every other self-esteem issues, this is more psychological.
Everything in life revolves around our mind and how we see things.

Our perceptions are formed based on what we hear or see.
This is why the bible admonishes us to ” guard our heart with ALL diligence, for out of it are the issue of life – proverbs 4: 23.”

Size; Big or small is relative.
How does a man know that he is small or big down there???

The media!!


What is considered as big or small is measured by the standards that are set by Hollywood movies, sitcoms, pornographic movies and even magazines.

That’s why the bible instructs us to guard our hearts and stay away from sexual immorality. That way, we will have nothing to compare with what we have.
What we see in the media are exaggerated and unrealistic pictures that only help in destroying a person’s self-esteem.

I believe that when God gives us a partner He is “smart” enough to make sure that both parties fit perfectly even in the bedroom. What He (God) requires from both parties is good communication. (Amos 3:3) in order to achieve optimum satisfaction.

I have come to this conclusion after consulting with a number of women that size doesn’t translate to optimum satisfaction as ” lousy lovers come in all sizes ”

When needs are properly communicated and a spouse feels loved,
Techniques will definitely win over size.
That’s my verdit, what’s yours..

#JustWritingAlound
#AL

 

 

*…Blog picture [children memories] gotten from http://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/health/once-and-for-all-defining-the-average-penis-size-20150304 through google search

Lights Off

lights off

Do you prefer to get intimate with your spouse in the dark? Or do you get in a particular position in order to hide certain areas of your body?

If you do, STOP!!!

Sex is an activity that requires you to bare it all. It fully exposes your insecurities. Therefore, being self-conscious will definitely ruin the beauty of intimacy. Rather than being present at the “event”, your mind strays away and wonders if “the sagging breasts are obvious” or if “the big stomach is pleasurable for your spouse to touch”

Research shows that a negative body image is one of the major causes of an unhealthy sex life.

Sadly, a negative body image isn’t one that can be tossed away so easily.

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, Body Image is a subjective picture of one’s own physical appearance established by self-observation and noting the reaction of others.

Note the key word; SUBJECTIVE.

It means that our body image is a perception which is personal or biased. Our body image doesn’t necessarily revealed how people view us.

It is simply how we see ourselves when we look in the mirror.

The weight that you worry about is the last thing on your spouse’s mind. He is more concerned with sharing the innermost part of himself with you.

So, consciously change the way you see yourself. The bible clearly states that – as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he – proverbs 23: 7

If you keep thinking upon your numerous blessings and beauty. You will begin to develop a better body image. This in turn will translate into sexual satisfaction.

The best your spouse can do is give you an enthusiastic reassurance BUT the burden lies on you to see your body as beautiful.

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

 

 

*…Blog picture [lights off] gotten from http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/03/28/article-2121681-0023F71200000258-406_468x379.jpg  through google search.

 

Spicy Sex

spicy sex.jpg

I must admit that sex isn’t one of my favorite topics. However, as a married woman, it is a VERY important topic.

So, on one of my women’s fellowship days, the topic of discussion was submission but we gradually talked our way to the topic we secretly love to talk about; SEX. The coordinator talked about the importance of sex and how Christian women ought to be “spicy on bed”. There was a lot of whispering and giggling from women who had children … it almost seemed like she was talking to teenagers…She finally got audible reactions when she mentioned that oral sex was one of the ways to be spicy on bed.

Ahhh!! Argument erupted as one divide said they would never indulge in anything that dirty. The other divide insisted that nothing is unclean in itself as long as it is within the confines of marriage.

I’m sure you’re wondering which side of the divide I belong to.  Well, this discussion isn’t about me. I’m just gisting… lol Anyway, the coordinator didn’t allow the obvious disgust of the majority deter her. She delved into the topic and I jotted thus:

Oral sex is oral stimulation of a partner’s genitals with your mouth.

It isn’t unusual for women to avoid oral sex because they feel / think that the penis is full of germs. If this is your concern, then ensure that your husband takes a bath before bedtime and taking a bath with him is spicy too.

Don’t feel inadequate or critical of yourself. Don’t wonder if you’re doing “it” right. Trust me, with communication and practice you will perfect the art. She quoted Songs of Solomon 4: 16 [ I haven’t gotten the revelation yet]

“The decision to enjoy or put up oral sex on your menu is your choice to make and I believe that God is fine with it. However, if the thought sickens you, don’t do it but make sure you look for other ways to be spicy on bed. Remember that monotony can get your husband bored causing him to look for variation outside”

This is the most talked about women’s meeting till today.

So what do you think about oral sex? What side of the divide are you on? These things should be talked about so, please share your opinion.

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

 

 

*… Blog Picture [Under Construction] gotten from http://www.fitlista.com/wp-content/uploads/bfi_thumb/10108572_l-2y7gywmh14m01rut5mlgcq.jpg through google search.

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