Diary of a Pastor’s wife.

Diary of a Pastor’s Wife

dear Diary

Week One…

We met at a club and he was as bubbly as I wanted my husband to be; His passion for what he liked, got my attention, the adventures he was ready to try out blew me away. Bayo and I were two musketeers on a wild adventure.

we did everything that could be done by two young adults and I was satisfied with the choice I had made.

Three years later, nothing was the same.

Bayo Started attending Church on Sundays and the Wednesdays and before I knew it, he was paying tithe religiously and sowing seeds.

“Bayo, you are taking this church thing too seriously!” I always said, He just kept assuring me that nothing will change but everything changed!

As a good wife, I tried to catch up with his church pace but before I could put myself together, I became the wife of a Pastor.

I didn’t prepare to be a Pastor’s wife but somehow, I had to play the role and look the part…

….. to be continued

 

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

 

 

*…Blog picture [Dear Diary] gotten from https://letterbalm.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/letterbalm-dear-diary.png through google search.

Diary of a Pastor’s wife [II]

stray woman.jpg

… I didn’t prepare to be a pastor’s wife, but some how I had to play the role and
look the part

Week two …

Bayo’s schedule become demanding. He went from one pastor’s conference to another. He sat for hours after work to prepare sermons and at night, he prayed for hours while I craved his touch …

Bayo suddenly became boring; He stopped drinking, clubbing, or listening to Nigerian secular music. These were the things I enjoyed doing with my adventurous Bayo but they were not my major disappointments. I was lonely …

Bayo was on call all the time. He had to handle one issue or the other and trust me, there was always an issue.

The church felt like a mistress that Bayo had abandoned me for. I honestly started detesting the church.

I felt terrible about how I felt because it didn’t make sense even to me.

Walking into church on Sundays required more inner strength than I was willing to admit. The expectations were overwhelming; I suddenly was expected to be a bible scholar, pray like a prayer warrior and have an edifying answer to the numerous questions that people posed to me.

Each time I took the announcements, I looked into the congregation hoping to find a friend, they all looked at me with reverence and when I tried to have a ‘normal ‘conversation after church, it was all too fake. All I heard were clichés; “God Bless You Ma”, “Glory !!! ”, “God is faithful Ma” …

I just wanted to have a normal conversation like everyone else!!! I wanted to discuss politics, fashion, children or even the weather!!!

As for Bayo, when I asked him normal questions that required simple answers, he graciously answered me like a Pastor.

I longed for more … more fun time with my husband. I told him anytime I had the chance to but promises were all I got.

One Sunday afternoon after church, I got a text message that changed everything.  It read:

… to be Continued

 

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

 

*…Blog picture [Stray woman] gotten from http://www.thecounselofprophecy.com/?p=528 through google search.

Diary of a Pastor’s wife [III]

secret.jpg

I longed for more … more fun time with my husband. I told him anytime I had the chance to but promises were all I got.

One Sunday afternoon after church, I got a text message that changed everything.  It read:

Week three …

My dear Pastor,
I have watched you for a while and I see a very lonely woman.
Although you try to mask it with your beautiful smile.
It is obvious to me.
I am a good listening ear.
I can be a very good friend.
Dr Ade. 

I knew Dr. Ade but couldn’t figure out what gave him the guts to send such a text. I was so furious!!!

I decided to ignore him but he consistently sent inspirational text messages that made me feel lighter.

And every Sunday after church, I received a message telling me how beautiful I looked. He noticed my new hair do and didn’t fail to tell me which one looked better on me …
There was this humour I heard in the tone of his texts that always got me laughing under my breathe. I liked the attention and soon enough, I started dressing for the compliments …

Two months after and the compliments didn’t stop. I finally responded to the text…

We chatted back and forth for almost 3 hours and this became a daily routine for me. I always had someone to talk to. I told him things and expected him to judge me but he never did. Life became exciting again. I woke up everyday with a burst of energy and at night, he was like valium.

Technology made it easy for Ade and I to connect without raising any dust. We went from texting to WhatsApp and then to calls. We talked about everything!!!

I enjoyed every bit of the virtual time we spent together until I received a call one Friday evening.

The lady at the other end of the call was crying  hysterically. I could hardly make out what she said but I heard her mention Ade’s name.
Had something happen to my friend?

I quickly called Ade’s phone as my hand shook and he picked the call and was as cheerful as ever. I explained what had happened with the lady. Without hesitating he told me it was his wife.

His Wife???!!! OMG!!!

… to be Continued
… Final Week.

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

 

Diary of a Pastor’s wife [IV]

woman in the dark.jpg

The lady at the other end of the call was crying  hysterically. I could hardly make out what she said but I heard her mention Ade’s name.

Had something happened to my friend?

I quickly called Ade’s phone as my hand shook and he picked the call and was as cheerful as ever. I explained what had happened with the lady. Without hesitating he told me it was his wife.

His Wife???!!! OMG!!!

Final week …

I knew he was married but I never thought of how our friendship

would affect her. I was so sorry and afraid too…

I thought of deleting all our messages and throwing my sim card away
but Ade had the messages too…  I was so confused and didn’t know
who to talk to. My heart raced so fast I thought it would pop out of my chest …
I had no one to confide in except Bayo. The hours that went by felt like days.
I could barely eat. I was too afraid to tell Bayo.
What if Ade’s wife comes to church to make a scene? Ahh!!!
“ God direct me on what to do” , “ I am ashamed and afraid”.

As for Ade, he made things even more complicated.
He started sending messages to say he had fallen in love with me.

Me?
How?

We were just good friends and I thought it was clear.
He demanded that we meet to talk about “US”.
This really freaked me out but not as much as answering
my front door and seeing Ade.

He was standing in front of my door, in my home.
I quickly tried to shut the door but he held the door and walked in.
Ade started saying how we were perfect for each other.
He tried to hold me but I ran into my room and shut the door.
He replayed my sexual fantasies to me and I knew this wasn’t a joke.

I called Bayo and asked him to come home immediately …
He initially told me to give him an hour or two but he suddenly
heard the fear in my voice and told me he was on his way.

Meanwhile, I heard my neighbor inquiring about me from Ade.
After which, I didn’t hear Ade’s voice anymore.
I stayed in the room until Bayo arrived.
He thought we had been robbed because Ade had left the door ajar.

I opened the door with tears flowing freely from my eyes.
Bayo held me close and told me that it was ok.

He had NO Idea …

When I finally put myself together, I told Bayo everything.

Bayo went from shock to disappointment as he went through thousands of messages between Ade and I and for the first time since I knew Bayo, He cried.
He read out some messages that shocked him and I was sooo ashamed .
I had definitely crossed the line.

It felt like a scale dropped from my eyes …
I didn’t realize I had fallen to that extent.
How did I get to the point where I could give another man details
of what I did with my husband?
What was the essence of telling Ade my sexual desires?

I couldn’t recognize myself.

Bayo invited Mr and Mrs Ade Davies but Ade didn’t show up and
once I saw his wife, my heart broke. She was heavy with pregnancy.

With shame, I listened to her plight;
Ade had suddenly started ignoring her and their home,
His phone was all he cared about. Even food didn’t matter anymore.

I had never been so ashamed in my whole life!!!
I knelt down and begged for her forgiveness.
In trying to get rid of my loneliness,
I had created loneliness for her and even worse.
I had experienced loneliness and I knew exactly how it felt.
She didn’t deserve it. No one does…

So far, Bayo and I are trying to mend bridges.
I can sense that he detest me but I hope that he finds it in his heart to forgive me.

I am hopeful…

#JustWritingAloud
#AL

… Weeks Ahead ??? 

 

 

*…Blog picture [woman in the dark ] gotten from google search.

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